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About Varied / Student Bliss27/Female/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 9 Years
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Newest Deviations

Warrington House of Prayer - Event Flyer by Blissful-Creations Warrington House of Prayer - Event Flyer :iconblissful-creations:Blissful-Creations 1 0 Chrome the Fox by Blissful-Creations Chrome the Fox :iconblissful-creations:Blissful-Creations 3 1 13 Hearts by Blissful-Creations 13 Hearts :iconblissful-creations:Blissful-Creations 7 5 OCDCAL2015 by Blissful-Creations OCDCAL2015 :iconblissful-creations:Blissful-Creations 2 2 Open Faced tablet cover by Blissful-Creations Open Faced tablet cover :iconblissful-creations:Blissful-Creations 10 12 Reflective Beanie by Blissful-Creations Reflective Beanie :iconblissful-creations:Blissful-Creations 3 5 Granny Square Afghan by Blissful-Creations Granny Square Afghan :iconblissful-creations:Blissful-Creations 5 7 O Christmas Tree by Blissful-Creations O Christmas Tree :iconblissful-creations:Blissful-Creations 11 10 Pink Santa Amigurumi by Blissful-Creations Pink Santa Amigurumi :iconblissful-creations:Blissful-Creations 6 0 Fireworks 10 by Blissful-Creations Fireworks 10 :iconblissful-creations:Blissful-Creations 4 3  Dsc0739 by Blissful-Creations Dsc0739 :iconblissful-creations:Blissful-Creations 3 0  Dsc0754 by Blissful-Creations Dsc0754 :iconblissful-creations:Blissful-Creations 4 3 Fireworks by Blissful-Creations Fireworks :iconblissful-creations:Blissful-Creations 1 0 Fireworks 9 by Blissful-Creations Fireworks 9 :iconblissful-creations:Blissful-Creations 0 0 Fireworks 8 by Blissful-Creations Fireworks 8 :iconblissful-creations:Blissful-Creations 4 1 Fireworks 7 by Blissful-Creations Fireworks 7 :iconblissful-creations:Blissful-Creations 2 2

Favourites

Wire haired dachshund plush by meplushyou Wire haired dachshund plush :iconmeplushyou:meplushyou 59 9 The Little Mermaid Crochet Amigurumi Doll by Npantz22 The Little Mermaid Crochet Amigurumi Doll :iconnpantz22:Npantz22 15 8 Daily Painting 1701# Chewie Gum by Cryptid-Creations Daily Painting 1701# Chewie Gum :iconcryptid-creations:Cryptid-Creations 3,057 64 She's A Vamp by missimoinsane She's A Vamp :iconmissimoinsane:missimoinsane 11 4 Crochet Taco Magnet by Pickleweasel360 Crochet Taco Magnet :iconpickleweasel360:Pickleweasel360 22 8 fluffy bubble by Apofiss fluffy bubble :iconapofiss:Apofiss 1,320 44 okay doge by Apofiss okay doge :iconapofiss:Apofiss 2,629 62 life of pie by MasterPlanner life of pie :iconmasterplanner:MasterPlanner 82 19 lemon party by MasterPlanner lemon party :iconmasterplanner:MasterPlanner 83 26 s'more to love by MasterPlanner s'more to love :iconmasterplanner:MasterPlanner 130 46 we all scream for ice cream by MasterPlanner we all scream for ice cream :iconmasterplanner:MasterPlanner 137 26 peanut butter jelly time by MasterPlanner peanut butter jelly time :iconmasterplanner:MasterPlanner 85 22 don't flip out on me by MasterPlanner don't flip out on me :iconmasterplanner:MasterPlanner 100 30 suck it by MasterPlanner suck it :iconmasterplanner:MasterPlanner 135 33 rooting for you by MasterPlanner rooting for you :iconmasterplanner:MasterPlanner 107 22 bringing the boys to the yard by MasterPlanner bringing the boys to the yard :iconmasterplanner:MasterPlanner 145 28

Groups

:iconcrafters-united: :icongreatcrafts: :iconkawaiiamigurumi: :iconjournalcss:

Wishlist

Trooper by Purple-Cactus Trooper :iconpurple-cactus:Purple-Cactus 220 12 Butterfly Fairy by DarkestDreamers Butterfly Fairy :icondarkestdreamers:DarkestDreamers 1 0 mini trip by Apofiss mini trip :iconapofiss:Apofiss 6,821 182 little grumpy things by Apofiss little grumpy things :iconapofiss:Apofiss 15,870 1,003 Ampin' It Up by papatheo Ampin' It Up :iconpapatheo:papatheo 2,939 452 fairy kitty by MariLucia fairy kitty :iconmarilucia:MariLucia 6,826 447 The girl with the ribbon by Volkair The girl with the ribbon :iconvolkair:Volkair 3,010 410 Red Orange by DanielaUhlig Red Orange :icondanielauhlig:DanielaUhlig 24,696 2,368
January has been a month...for sure. A long, excruciating month that has felt more like a year than anything else to be honest. It's still hard to process everything that's happened in these last 22 days. 

On January 2nd at 1:36 am my mom got a phone call that changed our world. Within minutes my mom and dad were gone to my grandparents and I followed after. At 1:51 am it became clear that my Grandfather was dead. He was gone before my parents arrived less than five minutes after my grandmother called. He was gone before she even made that phone call. 
I can remember every detail of that night. I can remember that just hours before I had bought a small bottle of wine to experiment with. And that by the time we got the call I'd drank half of and was feeling rather giddy. I remember walking into my grandparents house, and the smells that assaulted me, and the sounds of my mom and grandmother sobbing while my dad performed CPR. 
I remember the wails of my sister when I woke her up to tell her the news. I can still hear her voice begging me to tell her something different. 
I remember standing outside in the cold beside my brother, unable to breath and getting sick, because the life we had known was now different and my much loved grandfather was gone. I asked my brother to drive me home that night. And then when he left, and I was alone, I sobbed, and I screamed at God, because it wasn't fair. 

The next few days were filled with drama and tears. I worked the day after he died, and cried through my shift...but I would have went insane had I stayed home. There were so many decisions to be made and my mom had to make them all. There was fighting and family members acting like idiots, and so much hurt. 

The funeral was beautiful. My mom spoke, as did my uncle. When we arrived at the cemetery the honor guard was there, and it was an amazing thing, because we hadn't been sure if they would be there or not. My grandfather served in the navy in the Korean war.  I watched as the two officers folded the flag that lay ontop of the plain and simple casket. And I will never forget the tears in the petty officers eyes, and he will never truly know how much that touched my broken heart. He didn't know my grandfather, but he felt our pain, was willing to feel our pain. 

My grandfather was 83 years old, and up until the night he died, he was completely healthy and still very active. His death was a shock to us all. He left behind a wife, 3 children, 9 grandchildren and 14 great grandchildren. 

The Monday after the funeral I moved in with my grandmother. She's never lived alone in all her life. This has been a devastating event for her. And a huge sacrifice for me. I'm exhausted, ill, and walking a thin edge. Because I don't yet have a room, or privacy and I'm sleeping on a couch that makes my hip and back hurt so much that I often cry. But I know I've made the right decision. 


In the midst of all of this pain and transition and darkness, there had been a surprising new light in my life. Elfy. We've been friends for years...but something new has developed between us, and without him in these past few weeks, I'm not sure I couldn't have made it through. I won't say I love him...yet...but I do care very deeply for him. And he feels the same. There are a lot of obstacles for us though... and our relationship is a secret on both sides. 

My parents would never approve. He's a bisexual atheist, and that's just to start. But I don't care, all I know is that he's made me feel safe, and loved and cared for in a way that no one has ever done before. He calls me and just lets me cry, he doesn't tell me it's silly, he tells me that I'm strong enough and that he's there for me.  In six months we're both running away from our lives for a weekend just us two...and I have never been more sure about doing this....

So yeah...January has been a month...for sure. The new year has started off in tragedy, and I hope that it does not continue in that way.

Thanks for reading...I just needed to write all of this, to help process and think. 

Activity


January has been a month...for sure. A long, excruciating month that has felt more like a year than anything else to be honest. It's still hard to process everything that's happened in these last 22 days. 

On January 2nd at 1:36 am my mom got a phone call that changed our world. Within minutes my mom and dad were gone to my grandparents and I followed after. At 1:51 am it became clear that my Grandfather was dead. He was gone before my parents arrived less than five minutes after my grandmother called. He was gone before she even made that phone call. 
I can remember every detail of that night. I can remember that just hours before I had bought a small bottle of wine to experiment with. And that by the time we got the call I'd drank half of and was feeling rather giddy. I remember walking into my grandparents house, and the smells that assaulted me, and the sounds of my mom and grandmother sobbing while my dad performed CPR. 
I remember the wails of my sister when I woke her up to tell her the news. I can still hear her voice begging me to tell her something different. 
I remember standing outside in the cold beside my brother, unable to breath and getting sick, because the life we had known was now different and my much loved grandfather was gone. I asked my brother to drive me home that night. And then when he left, and I was alone, I sobbed, and I screamed at God, because it wasn't fair. 

The next few days were filled with drama and tears. I worked the day after he died, and cried through my shift...but I would have went insane had I stayed home. There were so many decisions to be made and my mom had to make them all. There was fighting and family members acting like idiots, and so much hurt. 

The funeral was beautiful. My mom spoke, as did my uncle. When we arrived at the cemetery the honor guard was there, and it was an amazing thing, because we hadn't been sure if they would be there or not. My grandfather served in the navy in the Korean war.  I watched as the two officers folded the flag that lay ontop of the plain and simple casket. And I will never forget the tears in the petty officers eyes, and he will never truly know how much that touched my broken heart. He didn't know my grandfather, but he felt our pain, was willing to feel our pain. 

My grandfather was 83 years old, and up until the night he died, he was completely healthy and still very active. His death was a shock to us all. He left behind a wife, 3 children, 9 grandchildren and 14 great grandchildren. 

The Monday after the funeral I moved in with my grandmother. She's never lived alone in all her life. This has been a devastating event for her. And a huge sacrifice for me. I'm exhausted, ill, and walking a thin edge. Because I don't yet have a room, or privacy and I'm sleeping on a couch that makes my hip and back hurt so much that I often cry. But I know I've made the right decision. 


In the midst of all of this pain and transition and darkness, there had been a surprising new light in my life. Elfy. We've been friends for years...but something new has developed between us, and without him in these past few weeks, I'm not sure I couldn't have made it through. I won't say I love him...yet...but I do care very deeply for him. And he feels the same. There are a lot of obstacles for us though... and our relationship is a secret on both sides. 

My parents would never approve. He's a bisexual atheist, and that's just to start. But I don't care, all I know is that he's made me feel safe, and loved and cared for in a way that no one has ever done before. He calls me and just lets me cry, he doesn't tell me it's silly, he tells me that I'm strong enough and that he's there for me.  In six months we're both running away from our lives for a weekend just us two...and I have never been more sure about doing this....

So yeah...January has been a month...for sure. The new year has started off in tragedy, and I hope that it does not continue in that way.

Thanks for reading...I just needed to write all of this, to help process and think. 

I wish it was me, lying beneath you, feeling your breath whisper across my skin.

I wish it was me, making your heart thunder in your chest as my lips explore hidden places

I wish it was me, sitting in your lap, with my head on your shoulder

I wish it was me, that got to see your ordinary socks each day


I wish

I wish


I wish I was the one who could come up behind you and place a kiss on your neck as I wrap my arms around your shoulders and ask you what you wanted for dinner.

I wish it was me who could help you clean up the magazine clippings left behind by the tiny souls that you love so much.

I wish it was me who could make you smile each day when you finish work.

I wish It had been me who could have sat with you while you waited for your sister.


I wish

I wish


I wish it was us holding hands in the sunset

I wish it was us planning for the a new arrival

I wish it was us, laughing until we cry


I wish

I wish


I wish it was you, that held me when the world tries to crush me.

I wish it was you, that pushed me to go where you know I can.

I wish it was you that stroked my hair while I recover from a nightmare

I wish it was your voice that I heard falling asleep each night


I wish

I wish


I wish I wasn’t so jealous of the other women.

I wish my chest didn’t hurt so much when you speak of them

I wish I could let you go

I wish this didn’t hurt so much



I wish you loved me like I love you.

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconrandalassa:
Randalassa Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2017
Thanks for the fav. Your gallery is very nice :)
Reply
:iconanimeoddity:
AnimeOddity Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
YOU'VE BEEN HUGGED!
Spread the DA love around! (you can copy and paste this message on their userpage!)

RULES:
1- You can hug the person who hugged you!
2- You -MUST- hug 10 other people, at least!
3- You should hug them in public! Paste it on their page!
4- Random hugs are perfectly okay! (and sweet)
5- You should most definitely get started hugging right away!
Send This To All Your Friends, And Me If I Am 1.
If You Get 1 Back You Are Loved!

Because, hugs are DA best!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (~ ̄▽ ̄)~
Reply
:iconknitlizzy:
KnitLizzy Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2016  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Time for some cute spam and random kindness!!!!!

HUGS!~YOU'VE BEEN HUGGED!! Huggle huggle 
Spread the DA love around! (you can copy and paste this message on their userpage!)

RULES:
1- You can hug the person who hugged you!
2- You -MUST- hug 10 other people, at least!
3- You should hug them in public! Paste it on their page!
4- Random hugs are perfectly okay! (and sweet)
5- You should most definitely get started hugging right away!
Send This To All Your Friends, And Me If I Am 1.
If You Get 7 Back You Are Loved!
1-3 you're bad friend
4-6 you're an ok friend
7-9 you're a good friend
10-& Up you're loved
Reply
:iconanimeoddity:
AnimeOddity Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
YOU'VE BEEN HUGGED!
Spread the DA love around! (you can copy and paste this message on their userpage!)

RULES:
1- You can hug the person who hugged you!
2- You -MUST- hug 10 other people, at least!
3- You should hug them in public! Paste it on their page!
4- Random hugs are perfectly okay! (and sweet)
5- You should most definitely get started hugging right away!
Send This To All Your Friends, And Me If I Am 1.
If You Get 1 Back You Are Loved!

Because, hugs are DA best!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (~ ̄▽ ̄)~
Reply
:iconpiixxxiie:
PiixXxiiE Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2015  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thanks for the fave! shrek-la 
Reply
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