Blissful-Creations

I wish it was me, lying beneath you, feeling your breath whisper across my skin.

I wish it was me, making your heart thunder in your chest as my lips explore hidden places

I wish it was me, sitting in your lap, with my head on your shoulder

I wish it was me, that got to see your ordinary socks each day

I wish

I wish

I wish I was the one who could come up behind you and place a kiss on your neck as I wrap my arms around your shoulders and ask you what you wanted for dinner.

I wish it was me who could help you clean up the magazine clippings left behind by the tiny souls that you love so much.

I wish it was me who could make you smile each day when you finish work.

I wish It had been me who could have sat with you while you waited for your sister.

I wish

I wish

I wish it was us holding hands in the sunset

I wish it was us planning for the a new arrival

I wish it was us, laughing until we cry

I wish

I wish

I wish it was you, that held me when the world tries to crush me.

I wish it was you, that pushed me to go where you know I can.

I wish it was you that stroked my hair while I recover from a nightmare

I wish it was your voice that I heard falling asleep each night

I wish

I wish

I wish I wasn’t so jealous of the other women.

I wish my chest didn’t hurt so much when you speak of them

I wish I could let you go

I wish this didn’t hurt so much

I wish you loved me like I love you.

Hey guys!! I know it's been ages! I hope everyone is doing well, and everything is going alright in your lives. 
It's been so crazy in my life since my last journal entry. I miss my Ruby a lot, but it was worse when I went home for the break, home seemed emptier without her there, even though we have the other two dogs, she was my baby. After I posted that journal, I dipped into depression for a few weeks, and it was really bad, worse than it had been in years, but by the Grace of God, I made it through. 

Shortly after this, I joined a missions outreach through my school, so that gave me something to focus on. As well as finals, and then Christmas break. The break went by super quickly, it was crazy. 

This past semester has been insane. Like...so much has gone on. I've made some really adult decisions concerning my health. In March, after three months of appointments and monthly cycle diaries, I chose to get a Mirina IUD. That experience was interesting to say the least. For those of you who are women you can imagine...I'm a virgin so having that device inserted was super painful, and even though it's been only two months I'm already noticing a positive difference, so I'm happy with my choice. 

I think the biggest thing going on in my life right now is my missions trip. I'm going to the United Kingdom! It's so crazy and I am SO excited. I'm still raising money for it, but I'm confident that I'll get what I need by May 9th, which is the day we fly out. Guys! I'm going to London! And Wales! and Warrington, and Liverpool, and Manchester! I'm so so so excited. We're going to be doing youth events and going into schools to talk to teens about self esteem and depression and stuff like that, and that's like...my heart guys. We are also going to serve in some local churches, which I'm also very excited about. I get to love on people! And listen to amazing accents and see things. I'm very excited. 

And guys. I have real friends. A friend group! There are four of us that have really connected through all the preparations and stuff we've been doing for school and for the trip. These girls are amazing, and although we are all different we also have things in common. Though I have to say that real life friendship is a lot of work, but it's worth it. So, so worth it. 

I've done some designing work for the team and the trip as well, and I'm super excited about that. Like, it's crazy, I never thought I'd actually do that kind of thing you know?  And of course I've been doing some crocheting as I can. Not enough mind you, but I've been trying lol. 

So yeah! I really hope everyone is doing great  

Blissy 

So yeah...I haven't updated here in a while. School has been crazy and I've never been so busy in my life! (I may be going insane

to be honest) 

But really I just wanted to write about my baby. 



I knew Tuesday was going to be a bad day. I woke up at 7am like normal, and I went to the closet to get dressed and I just stood there, staring blankly. I just felt...heavy. And I decided that I just wasn't going to do classes that day, so I went back to bed. I woke up around 12:30 and went to my desk and that's when my phone dinged and told me I had a voicemail from my mom. I listened to it and I could hear the tears in her voice. We have really really bad cell signal inside, so I had to go outside to call her back and I hadn't even put on a bra yet. (so rare for me). That's when she told me that she and my dad had to rush Ruby to the vet this morning because she'd just stopped breathing. I had to make her stop and tell me if Ruby was even okay...she was alive at that point and the vet was doing what she could. 
There was fluid build up around Ruby's heart and lungs, so they were giving her meds to help get rid of it. Kind of how they do with us. So my mom told me that they would have to call the vet back to find out later what would happen next. 
Ruby had a blowout in her lung. And she had a lot of cancer that we didn't know about...despite having taken her to the vet less than a year ago to check for exactly that. "No hope, won't make it through the night, postponing the inevitable." were the words the vet used. 
My mom brought Ruby home and I got to see her and talk to her on Facetime at around 6:30, then I had to get ready for my evening class. Less than 3 hours later my baby was gone. 

She's gone. It doesn't even seem real to me. How can she be gone? She had been such a huge part of my life for the past twelve years...how, within the space of one day, can she just be...gone? But she is. And it's hitting hard right now. One of the things I was looking forward to the most when I go home in three weeks was snuggling and holding my baby. But she's gone and I can't do that. I don't know what to do. All I know is that I hurt...so much right now. I wasn't able to be there to say goodbye, I couldn't hold her as she died. And the worst thing is that I know...in three weeks when I get to go home that it's going to be 100x worse because then it will be real. Ruby won't be there to chase the bugs that scare me, or beg for hotdogs, or wake me up far to early because she has to go outside. She won't be there for me as I cry and mourn. 

I love school, and I've made a lot of friends here and I'm part of an amazing community, but I'm still alone, and there's no one to just hug and cry. I could so use a hug right now, one from someone who doesn't mind if I just burst out in tears and can't stop. I really really want to go home right now. or sleep until I can go home. I couldn't even find the energy to go to class this morning. 


So yeah...I just...I needed to SAY things. A lot of people don't understand how a pet can cause such pain. 

• How long have you been on DeviantArt?
  

  I am just two days shy of having been on DA for seven years! (holy cow I didn't realize it'd been that long) 

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• What does your username mean?
  

  Well, It's a play off of my own name, Bliss. When I was 15 my mom wanted to start a small business and this is one of the names she came up with, and I just decided to use it when I joined, though I had no idea what kind of art I'd be making and I'm pretty sure not all of it as been 'blissful' I have considered changing it to Crochet-Bliss since that tends to be more of my focus these days. 
  
  

• Describe yourself in three words.
  

  Loving, sensitive, introverted
  
  

• Are you left or right handed?
  

  Righty!

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• What was your first deviation?
  

  Well, I'm pretty sure my very first deviation is no longer available but this one is the oldest, submitted in 2010

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• What is your favorite type of art to create?
  

  Hmm, hard question. I would say written things, but I'm not sure that's what you want. So it would have to be crochet art things now.
  
  

• If you could instantly master a different art style, what would it be?
  

  I don't even have to think about this one. Digital painting, both in a realism style and a totally cutesy chibi style as well. 

• What was your first favorite?
  

  I'm not really sure, but this one might be the closest;

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• What type of art do you tend to favourite the most?
  

  I think I'm about even between, Stock, Crochet, and Digital art
  
  

• Who is your all-time favorite deviant artist?
  

  I have two! gillianivyart and DaydreamersDesigns Both are extraordinary artists and very awesome people. 
  
  

• If you could meet anyone on DeviantArt in person, who would it be?
  

  I'm skittish about meeting people from online sometimes lol but I think I'd like to meet gillianivyart Sometime, and gee231205 and missimoinsane They are all pretty awesome women and I'd like to hang with them IRL sometime. 
  
  

• How has a fellow deviant impacted your life?
  

  I would count gillianivyart as a friend because she has showed me and continues to show me that even two people with drastically different lifestyles, backgrounds and faiths can still be friends and not tear each other apart. She has always encouraged me to be me even when others did the opposite and that has had a big impact. 
  
  

• What are your preferred tools to create art?
  

  Crochet and yarn, otherwise it would be a camera, or photoshop *nods* 
  
  

• What is the most inspirational place for you to create art?
  

  In front of my computer usually...I get a lot of inspiration from others works, and I love to listen to music or watch netflix when I create
  
  

• What is your favorite DeviantArt memory?
  

  When I made and posted my first journal skin! Though I'm sooo not as good at it as my teacher is, I really enjoyed learning and i'm glad that I got a fair chance to figure out if it's something I would like to do more of....and I know that I CAN do it if I want to. 
  
  #deviantartistquestionnaire
  

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• thought I'd do this little thing since I'd seen so many of them in my notifications. 

At least I'm pretty sure I'm alive and I haven't become a zombie just yet! Though...that would be kind of awesome. 

I started a my 3rd college semester a couple of weeks ago. This year has been CRAZY so far. 

I miss making art though and interacting with all of you fine people, so I'm going to try and get back into this between papers and assignments and such. and I might upload something soon. ^^ 

How IS everyone? Let me know what's going on in your lives...I really wanna know!!!